And its not that you are doing it wrong

You finally get a quiet moment. No deadlines. No emails. No one needs anything from you. And instead of peace? You feel unsettled. Maybe even anxious. Resting makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong. But you’re not. The truth why you can’t relax is because no one ever taught you it was safe to.

Productivity is your safety net

You learned early that staying useful earned approval. Staying busy to keep people happy – or to avoid criticism, rejection, or punishment. Over time, you tied your worth to what you do, not who you are. So when you stop moving, discomfort shows up fast.

You turn to busyness to manage stress. It gives you control. It brings a temporary hit of “I’m doing enough. I am enough.” But it never sticks.

And when you finally try to slow down, guilt shows up too.

The crash that comes after constant doing

If doing nothing makes you feel guilty – like you’re wasting time or falling behind – you’re not imagining things. That guilt clashes with the reality that being “on” all the time burns you out.

Your body pays the price.

You’ve probably noticed the cycle: you push through everything, then crash for days just to recover. You promise next time will be different –  but the pattern keeps repeating. Eventually, you see it clearly: the all-or-nothing approach breaks you down. It’s not necessary to crash to deserve rest. You can relearn how to rest in a way that actually feels safe.

You were taught to earn everything – even your worth

You weren’t born believing you had to earn love, rest, or worth. Its been learned along the way.

Maybe people only praised you when you achieved. Maybe they called you “lazy” when you slowed down. Or you got so good at being the strong one, the helpful one, the overachiever – that you forgot you’re allowed to just be.

Now, you measure your worth by how much you get done. You equate usefulness with value, and this is why you can’t relax.

If I stop I’m not good enough.

But that belief? It isn’t the truth of who you are. It’s just a story – a story you can unlearn.

But now, you get to choose something new.

Rest isn’t a reward – it’s a right

Your nervous system needs time to feel safe again. You won’t get there by pushing past the guilt or powering through it. You’ll get there by sitting beside it and saying:

“I hear you. I know where you came from. But I’m choosing differently now.”

You don’t rest because you’re lazy. You rest because you’re healing.

This process might feel slow, messy, emotional and very different to what you know.

Doing ‘nothing’ is doing the work

In conclusion remember you don’t need to earn rest. You just need to feel it.

Something you weren’t taught but can learn now. And that matters.

If this resonates, reach out or stay connected. You are worth it and always have been.

About the author: Chris Boobier is the owner of CRB Counselling specialising in anxiety, trauma, Bereavement & loss. Supporting adults and adolescents, she is passionate about helping people be their authentic self through counselling. Because she had to learn how to rest.